They sound so similar.
Doing what you should do. Doing what you need to do.
But the difference between them needs listening to.
When you ask yourself what you should be doing, there is a tension inherent in the question. It has built into it that there is something you “should” do as opposed to, maybe, something you’d love to do or dream of doing. It splits you in two. And, it has built into it that there is a kind of right answer. Like a book you could look up the answer in and it would tell you what to do - whether you feel like it or not.
But “whether you feel like it or not” is the thing that matters most. It’s the signal that shows you whether the theory - the answer in the back of the book - actually applies here and now. And - if it doesn’t apply here and now - then the answer in the back of the book is worthless.
Asking yourself what you need to do (instead of what you should do) brings you out of the theory and into the real world. Into what is happening here and now.
So, if you find yourself standing in the kitchen telling yourself you really should do the washing-up, just pause for a moment. Pause and check if the “you really should” is a message you can trust. Pausing and listening I notice - no - there is something a bit wrong in the “should”. It’s covering something up. It’s a kind of trying to do something in spite of. It’s pushing against myself. It’s a deathly path.
So I make a little vow. To listen past this signal that feels a little bit off and keep listening until I can hear the thing that feels right. To not settle for something just because it makes sense, but to move only when I get to what makes sense and feels right.
So I listen a little longer - and the world lights up. I find a genuine desire. A desire that moves me - purely, without resistance. It’s like stepping out of the woods and into a clearing.
C x
I should do the washing-up.